Friday, July 2, 2010

Fourteen Year Old Girls, Vampires, and You


I am a fourteen year old girl.

I am easily excitable, completely spastic, and, at turns, wildly optimistic or the biggest defeatist imaginable. I love pop music and junk food. I love worrying about what I'm going to wear (I suffer from dresslexia), and I constantly think I'm fat. I'm totally into pop culture. I find Lady Ga Ga to be utterly fascinating, and I become wildly ecstatic when faced with the prospect of an ANTM marathon.

The one thing my teen aged brain cannot comprehend is the phenomenon that is Twilight.

It's summer blockbuster time, and, once again, The Twilight saga is back. Like herpes. And with it, the age old debate of Team Edward v. Team Jacob is once again the issue at the fore of every one's mind. To be fair, I have not read Stephanie Meyer's teenage bodice rippers, and many of my adult female friends insist they are page turners. But, for some reason, I just don't care. Yes, yes, I get the sexiness that is der vampir. All that neck nibblin' and junk. But, I'm the kind of guy who goes out of his way to make fun of his students who have "burned themselves with a curling iron". And to add to my disinterest, the sullen stars of the movie franchise always look a little smelly or as if they are smelling something smelly. Even that gay-looking werewolf is starting to look like a llama.

In order to keep these cootieboos at bay, I gladly offer up my Garlic Soup. It's a little rich for the hot summer months, but there are vamps afoot! So, do yourself a favor: turn up the AC and rent Fright Night.

Garlic Soup

2-3 heads of garlic
2 yellow onions, chopped
1 cup dry white wine
a couple of splashes of cognac
4 cups chicken stock
2 cups beef stock
1/4 cup cream
1 baguette, crust trimmed and cubed (roughly 2 cups)
2 bay leaves
a bunch of fresh thyme
salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 400. Slice each head in half (like Freddy Kruger) discarding the tops, drizzle with olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place a few sprigs of thyme on top of the exposed garlic and wrap with aluminum foil. Pop it in the oven for 30 minutes. We've just made roasted garlic!

In a stock pot over medium heat, saute onions with a little bit of olive oil until tender. Make a little bouquet garni with the bay leaves and a few sprigs of thyme (that just means tie those suckers up so you can fish 'em out later) and add them to the onions. Add roasted garlic by squeezing the bulbs over the pot to release the cloves. Add wine and cognac, stirring occasionally, and reduce by half. Add chicken and beef stocks and bring to a boil. Simmer for about 10 minutes. Fish out herbs and add bread cubes. Simmer for an additional 15 minutes. Using an immersion blender or working in batches with a food processor, mash up soup until smooth and return to heat. Add cream and salt and pepper to taste. Serve hot.

Make it into a meal by adding roasted cauliflower to the soup and serve with mixed greens and a balsamic vinaigrette.


  1. " name is Patty...and I'm a 43 YO Twi-tard..."

    I love garlic soup and haven't made it in forever. I add cognac to my french onion soup...this sounds like the best of both worlds. Can't wait to try it!

  2. I don't like Twilight either, and all my older friends that have read it do!! I had to force myself to finish the first book. I could've quit halfway through though and not cared WHAT happened to the characters. I am glad to hear I am not the only non-Twilight loving person out there!